The Group C Song (1970)

Sung to “My Favorite Things” from Rodgers & Hammerstein’s The Sound of Music (1959)

In this song, I poked fun at myself and my Chemistry lab partner, Dale Penn, who went on to become a magician and then an insurance broker and public speaker. Together, we formed Group C, the most hapless Chem Lab duo you can imagine. How hapless? The class sometimes needed log paper to map our results onto the same graph as the other groups’. Dale adds, “I recall the multi-colored pens we used to create the charts and graphs that explained our various experimental outcomes.” No doubt some charts needed every color of the rainbow.

I’ve reconstructed the lyrics here to the best of my memory. At least two lines were written by Dale: “A Black and a Jew—what a great combination” and “screaming and yelling, this terrible batch.”

I submitted the lyrics as part of my lab notebook. Our teacher was amused, but I’m not sure it helped my grade.

First, “My Favorite Things,” sung by Julie Andrews in the 1965 film.

And now, my lyrics, as well as I can recall them.

The-class-is all quiet and waiting for Teacher,

He hands out instructions (Oh, boy, what a preacher).

Suddenly a test tube erupts in blue flame,

And everyone knows that Group C is to blame.

Whether it’s acid that spill on your sneakers,

Or someone breaking a whole row of beakers,

Shlemiels* and shlemazels* don’t mix naturally, (*klutzes who spill soup & are spilled on)

I guess that sums up what is wrong with Group C.

Shattered test tubes!

Spilled explosives!

Bring back memories;

I simply can’t think of another two guys

Whose luck is as bad as Group C’s.

Six months of school and we long for vacation,

A Black and a Jew—what a great combination;

Screaming and yelling, this terrible batch

Now fights over who gets to strike the damn match.

When you smell smoke!

When you see flames!

Don’t look over our way:

We know we’re not wanted in this science course,

So we’re hittin’ the road—

Today!