When I Was a Young’N (1982)
Sung to “When I was a Lad” from Gilbert & Sullivan’s HMS Pinafore
I wrote this song to roast my boss, Wally Dreyfoos, the manager of Lockheed-Georgia’s Manufacturing Research Department. The department conducted research and development (R&D) to produce airplanes that weighed less and cost less to build.
This was the first song parody I wrote—and performed—at work. The chorus was sung by three male coworkers.
In 2006, I would use the same tone to roast a Homeland Security Under Secretary (Sovereign of S&T).
Here’s “When I Was the Lad,” performed i Canada in 2017.
And here are my parody lyrics.
When I Was a Young’N
When I was a young’n I swept the deck
Of the football stadium at Georgia Tech;
I scrubbed the girders and I clipped the grass
When I shoulda been attendin’ Engineering class.
(CHORUS) (When he shoulda been attendin’ Engineering class)
I journeyed to class so seldomlee
That now I am the manager of R and D.
(CHORUS) (He journeyed to class so seldomlee
That now he is the manager of R and D!)
As-Production Chief at Scripto Pen
My flair for black ink leaked again;
It leaked so swift and copiously
That now I am the Manager of R and D.
(CHORUS) (That now he is the Manager of R and D)
It leaked so swift and copiously
That now I am the Manager of R and D.
(CHORUS) (It leaked so swift and copiously
That now he is the Manager of R and D!)
With two weeks’ wage I walked the street
Till I landed a Safety Tire seat;
In a-Good Year they’d re-Tire’d me
With a few good belts and a ten-day key.* (*Here, I leaned over and patted my butt.)
(CHORUS) (With a few good belts and a ten-day key)
Those few good belts so buttressed me
That now I am the Manager of R and D.
(CHORUS) (Those few good belts so buttressed he
That now he is the Manager of R and D!)
My call-ing bid me to stock the floor
At Rich’s vast department store;
A thrifty stock I vowed to ensure:
In one quick month it was Standard and Poor.
(CHORUS) (In one quick month it was Standard and Poor.)
Well I never got rich but Rich got me
And now I am the Manager of R and D.
(CHORUS) (He never got rich but Rich got he
And now he is the Manager of R and D!)
When told by rich-es I’d been kissed,
(pause) Lockheed took me as an annn-alyst;
I forged the budget for tools and dies
And I dazzled their accountants with my R.O.I.s* (*returns on investment)
(CHORUS) (And he dazzled their accountants with his R.O.I.s!)
I balanced their books with a math so free
That now I am the Manager of R and D.
(CHORUS) (He balanced their books with a math so free
That now he is the Manager of R and D!)
As Tooling Chief for the CME** (**Chief Manufacturing Engineer)
I cast the dies for the Galaxee*** (***the C-5A Galaxy military transport plane)
Those casts are dying so gracefullee
They’re trip-l-ing our prices on the C-5B.
(CHORUS) (They’re trip-l-ing our prices on the C-5B!)
They’ve tripled our price so gainfullee
That now I am the Manager of R and D.
(CHORUS) (They’ve tripled our price so gainfullee
That now he is the Manager of R and D!)
My Midas touch exposed the gleam
Of my precious mettle to the Planning team;
I meddled in Planning for eighteen years
Where I stamped and finished some great careers.
(CHORUS) (Where he stamped and finished some great careers!)
The Powers That Be—
Started finishing me—
By making me the Manager of R and D.
(CHORUS) (The Powers That Be started finishing he
By making him the Manager of R and D!)
Now listen-up young’ns while ya’ nuts be young:
If ya hope to climb to the top o’ the dung;
If ya reckon you’ll parlay whatcha learned in school,
Be careful to be guided by this golden rule:
(CHORUS) (Be careful to be guided by this golden rule:)
Be bullish with thee—
B.S. degree—
And y’all may be managers of R and D.
(CHORUS) (Be bullish with thee B.S. degree
And y’all may be managers of R and D!)
