Emperor of D&T (2000)
Sung to “When I Was a Lad” from Gilbert and Sullivan’s H.M.S. Pinafore (1878)
This was the second of three times I roasted a boss to the tune of When I Was a Lad. THis time, I was honoring Boyd Dippery, the manager of Documentation and Training (D&T) for NEC Telecommunications, a Japanese company in Herndon, Virginia.
I have no memory of writing or performing this song, so I can’t say more about it.
When I Was a Lad, performed at Canada’s 2017 Stratford Festival
Emperor of D & T
When I was a lad my nights were spent
In solar panel experiment
It burned a hole in my Levi Strauss
But it earned me a pin from Westinghouse.
(It earned him a pin from Westinghouse.)
That blasted pin so pricked at me
That now I am the Emperor of D and T.
(That blasted pin so pricked at he
That now he is the Emperor of D and T.)
My college years connected me
To habits that perfected me;
I focused through my drinking glass
At the chumps who trod to Engineering class.
(At the chumps who trod to Engineering class)
I stumbled to class so seldomly
That now I am the Emperor of D and T.
(He stumbled to class so seldomly
That now he is the Emperor of D and T.
From state to state with tools I schlepped
As LICOM’s* top-gun service rep; (*LICOM Communications)
I patched their lines by the-seat-o’-my pants
Or I gave them the two-step song and dance.
(Or he gave them the two-step song and dance.)
I beguiled those sods so shamelessly
That now I am the Emperor of D and T.
(He beguiled those sods so shamelessly
That now he is the Emperor of D and T.)
I smiled my way to N.E.C.* (*Nippon Electric Corporation)
Where I led their reply to an RFP*; (Request for Proposals)
I sold the goods to the MCIs* (*MCI Communications Corp.)
And I dazzled their accountants with my R.O.I.s*. (*Returns On Investments)
(And he dazzled their accountants with his R.O.Is.)
I hyped our wares in a verse so free
That now I am the Emperor of D and T.
(He hyped their wares in a verse so free
That now he is the Emperor of D and T.)
My Midas touch exposed the gleam
Of my precious mettle to the Manuals team;
I meddled in docs for seven odd years
Where I stamped and finished some bright careers.
(Where he stamped and finished some bright careers)
The powers that be are finishing me
By making me the Emperor of D and T.
(The powers that be are finished he
By making him the Emperor of D and T.)
Now listen up, boy, while your wits are young
If you hope to climb to the top of the dung;
If you plan to ply what you learned in school,
Be careful to be guided by this golden rule:
(Be careful to be guided by this golden rule:)
Be bullish with theee—B.S. degree—
And you may be the Emperor of D and T.
(Be bullish with thee B.S. degree
And you may be the Emperor of D and T.)
