Old Man Winters (2008)

Sung to Old Man River from Hammerstein and Kern’s Showboat (1929)

Chris Christopher and I each wrote a lyric. We used Chris’s version, shown here. I wasn’t supposed to perform it, but I jumped in to save a flailing performance. The song was performed at the 2008 holiday party of Homeland Security’s Science & Technology Directorate.

Here’s my unused lyric:

Ol' Man Winters (5:04) (Lyrics by Paul Stregevsky) 

There's an old man in Procurement Office,

That's the old man that you jus' can't please;

What does he care if your lab got nothin'?

What does he care if your task's on freeze.

Ol' Man Winters, that Ol' Man Winters

He must do somethin,' but don't buy nothin',

He just keeps sippin' them Diet Pepsi's, day-long.

He won't John Hancock your purchase orders,

And them who buck him are flung 'cross borders

By Ol' Man Winters, who just keeps whistlin', "You're wrong."

You and me, we learn to wait,

While Boss cheer the game at Ohio State!

"Sign that field! Prove your need!"

Fill it out wrong and and you're dingle-fee-ee-eeeed.

There's an old man in Procurement Office,

That's the old man that you jus' can't please;

All as I know is the man's a stickler;

All as I know: Better cross them T's.

Ol' Man Winters, that Ol' Man Winters,

He must do somethin', but don't buy nothin',

He just keeps bakin' those choc-chip cookies, at home.

He won't use eBay, he says they're rotten,

And them who ask him are soon forgotten

By Ol' Man Winters, who just keeps whistlin', "You're wrong."

You and me turn greenish-blue

While Boss feed carrots to his cockatoo!

"Dot that 'i'! Cross that 'T'!"

Or he'll schedule you a visit from the O-I-Gee-ee-eeeee.

(with chorus:)

I gets weary, and sick of tryin', 

But Ol' Man Winters is scared of flyin',

So Ol' Man Winters, he just keeps whistlin: "You're wrong!"

And here’s Old Man River, sung by Paul Robeson in the original film: