Beginner Man (1990)

Sung to Billy Joel’s Piano Man (1973)

Performed by me in Atlanta at the Beth Jacob Synagogue’s 1990 Purim dinner play, this song was my tribute to Rabbi David Silverman, of the Atlanta Kollel, who led the Shabbat morning beginner’s services.

First, Billy Joel’s Piano Man:

Beginner Man (1990)

It’s ten-n-n o’clock on a Saturday,

A dozen lost souls wander in;

A blue-jeaned gir-r-rl falters up to me

Wearing lines where a smile’d once been.

She says “Rav,* can ya teach me the Aleph Bais, (*Rabbi)

“See I can’t seem to lear-r-rn it alone;

“Lord I can’t even pray: I was absent that day

“From a world that I used to call ho-o-ome.”

Laah-la-laaaah-diddee-daaaah,

La-laah-diddee-daaah, duh-dah.

She says, “Teach us t’filla,* Beginner Man; (*prayer)

“Reach us with song, today;

“Well, we’re all in the mood to learn Shacharis,* (*the morning prayers)

“And you’ve got us wannin’ to pray.”

Now Menahhh-chum Deutsch* is a friend a’ mine, (*another rabbi in the Atlanta Kollel)

Gets-me-seats at Yom Kippur,* for free; (“the Jewish day of repentence, when all Jews attend)

And he’s quick with p’shat* or to kasher* your pot, (*Biblican interpretation) (**make kosher)

But-there’s-`some place that he’d rather be.

He says, “Dave, this is not what I davened* for,” (*prayed)

As his yar-r-rmulke* slides from his head, (*Jewish skull cap worn by males)

“Well I’m sure that I could be a pulpit rav,

“Then I could give orders to Fred.” (the synagogue’s director)

Oh laah-la-laaaah-diddee-daaaah,

La-laah-diddee-daaah, duh-dah.

Now My-y-yra’s a New Age kabbalist

Who seeks Truth in her crystals and pearls,

And she’s talking with Paul, who comes late, if at all,

Just to meet vegetarian girls.

And the feminist twists my apology,

And the atheist drowns my reply,

Friends, we’re all b’al-e-tchuvas* (*born-again Jews)

And it would behoove us

To bid Him good faith or goodbyyyye.

(piano interlude and dance; behind me, two men dance across the stage, Jewish-style.)

Sing me, “Teach us t’filla, Beginner Man;

“Reach us with song, today;

“Well, we’re all in the mood to learn Shacharis,

“And you’ve got us wannin’ to pray.”

Well, the restless are waving their Seikos,* (*Seiko watches)

And I can’t raise a soul to his feet,

But I’ve com-m-mme a long way from the shores of L.A.

And I got a big mortgage to meet.

And the newcomers shuckle* toward Lenox Square, (*genuflect during prayer) (**a shopping center)

As the regulars croon out of key;

Though Rav Feldman* couldn’t take it— (*the rabbi of Beth Jacob Synagogue)

They can’t even fake it—

There’s no place that I’d rather be.

Oh, laah-la-laaaah-diddee-daaaah,

La-laah-diddee-daaah, duh-dah.

Croon me, “Teach us t’filla, Beginner Man;

“Reach us with song, today;

“Well, we’re all in the mood to learn Shacharis,

“And you’ve got us wannin’ to pray.”