Hey, Dude (2000)
Sung to “Hey, Jude” by The Beatles (1968)
I hoped this song would discourage teens from smoking. But I never produced it, submitted it, or secured copyright permission. I’m not sure I even finished writing it; the only copy I could find included my ball-point markup. Reading the lyrics in 2025, I found my writing contrived.
The lyric pretended to encourage a young man to smoke. But the encouragement was offered sarcastically, an intent that I hoped would become clear when coupled with the right visuals.
“Hey, Jude,” The Beatles (1968)
Hey, Dude (2000)
Hey, Dude,
Go light the fire,
Take a deep draw, we’ll all breathe better.
When brothers and lovers give you the talk,
Tell them “Take a walk,”
’Cause you know better.
Hey, Dude,
You’re dying’ to live,
Life’s too precious to take no chances.
Your best years will soon be sitting on ice,
Go on, roll the dice
While the Devil dances.
Don’t let them tell you it’s a fool who drags in school,
They envy the choice that you have tasted.
And every time you buy a smoke, then find you’re broke,
Breathe easy: It’s dough you would have wasted.
Na-na-na-na, na, na-na-na-na.
Hey, Dude,
You’re in it now
In a grim race up Jacob’s ladder.
You’re winning, no quitting while you’re ahead,
You may soon be dead,
So what’s it matter?
So cough it out and wheeze it in, hey Jude, breathe in,
You’ll cease, by and by, when you get older,
And if they tell you it ain’t cool, hey, Dude, it’s bull:
Each drag makes your bed a little colder.
Na-na-na-na, na, na-na-na-na.
Hey, Dude!
Come kiss your bride;
Spider Lady is glad you wed her.
The sooner you let her into your lung,
Sooner you’ve begun to make it deader deader deader deader deader deader oh-oh-oh-oh—
Na, na, na, na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na, hey, Dude.
Na, na, na, na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na, hey, Dude.
Na, na, na, na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na, hey, Dude.
Na, na, na, na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na, hey, Dude.
Na, na, na, na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na, hey, Dude.
Na, na, na, na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na, hey, Dude.
