Latey’s Lament (*1975)

Sung to Gilbert O’Sullivan’s “Alone Again, Naturally” (1974)

In this parody, I poked fun at my procrastination in completing class assignments. I never performed it.

First, Alone Again, Naturally, by Gilbert O’Sullivan:

Latey’s Lament

Another-deadline soon to meet,

I’m-not gettin’ very-much sleep,

I’m the joke of the dorm but I can’t reform

And I won’t admit defeat.

Other-students-find time to play,

But-I-got no time today,

’Cause it’s after nine,

And I got no mind

For another low GPA.

Won’t ya lock me in my room,

[Till I get myself inspired?]

Xxx

Xxx

Xx,

XX—

I’m late again, naturally.

I-remember Professor McGann,

A kindly, indulgent man,

It was with such trust that he handed us

Our take-home final exam.

The exam was due at three,

But-as-I-gulped the last a’ my tea,

It was after one, I had just begun,

And the hourglass jeered at me.

So I call him on his phone,

And I begged extenuation,

He said “Bring it soon, but no later than noon,

’Cause I’m leaving on vacation.”

When I ran to his house at dawn,

His Mercedes had long gone—

Betrayed again, naturally.

I’m the creative sort who

Must wait and must rely on extra time,

And thoughts sublime,

If he’ll produce;

That’s my excuse.

Ooh, ooh, ooh.

(instrumentals)

I’m late again, naturally.

Sunday night at ten,

Still haven’t pushed my pen,

When the week began, I had my work in hand,

It would all be simple, but then—

There-was-the network nightly news,

And next year’s courses to choose,

The-new Bergman flick, I had to see it quick,

It had got such great reviews.

Oh, how I long to write,

Get my studying juices flowin’

But alas and alack, Casablanca’s back,

And everyone else is goin’.

When reports cards came,

I knew just whom to blame—

My fountain pen, can’t ya see;

Anyone but me—

Naturally.